Itching for Change

What is it that triggers our desires? How about our needs and our wants? And what exactly is the differences between them?

I have a job that I love, friends and family that I love, a place that I call home with all the necessities and it all comes with a feeling of content.  So why do I get the feeling that I could give it all up and that everything would be okay? How come the thought of something new excites me and being in different settings other than the ones I have created for myself  bring out an entirely different sense of happiness and ease.

I have been having this major feeling of disconnection lately.  Like I have emotionally backed out of my life completely and am just watching it go through the motions.  Some days I wake up with anxiety, a want…a need for change and this heart-wrenching feeling that knowing myself I will get up brush my teeth, put all those feelings at bay and carry on with my life exactly as is.

Lately it has caught up with me.  That “bay” that I have put those feelings into has now turned into an ocean and with the slightest little shift has sent them tsunami’ing back my way – overwhelmingly enough to make me use such a word as “tsunami’ing”.   I feel guilty giving up on it, stopping trying to make everything work and no longer convincing myself that this is where I want to be – this is good enough for my life’s entirety. 

I had to.  I had to give up in order to strip down to the bare minimum and realize how I feel…right now. Instead of convincing myself that this is where I want to be, I now need to convince myself that I have what it takes to make it better.  But what is it that is going to make it better?