Written about 2 years ago...
At night when I sit and try and gather the pieces and let all my "what if's" run out of my eyes leaving streaks in my makeup, I can't help but realize it is all the memories that keep the wounds open in this heart of mine.
For me, there are two types of memories . Old memories keep the wounds open and and new memories are the only thing that will patch the hole the old ones have left behind; they bring peace.
I'm a clinger, and I'm not saying I am a stage 5 "avoid me while you can" type clinger but I love the past, even when it's no good for me and there is no possible way I can reclaim it. I can't go back to elementary or high school, I can't do things differently or hang on to the friends I once had or re-live the memories we made, but what I can do is take that to heart and push forward. I can get in touch with the people I miss even though I know it most likely will not be the same, I can take everything I have learned in the past and apply it to the future, and I can be proud of how far I have come and how much I have grown. I hope to pass on the same knowledge or help someone who needs it as much as I may have at one point. I have to learn to use the past as a building point, a foundation and that push to make me strive for more.
